What’s New on the Infertility Front-Updated

1/11/14 So I was checking out the blog stats and saw that HUNDREDS of people were clicking this link (the “what’s new in fertility” link) in the last couple of weeks in the hopes of getting an update.  First of all, wow.  Thank you so much for caring that much.  I’m shocked that my little blog that I started four months ago already has almost 40,000 views!  I have dreaded doing my update because it is just disappointing and discouraging.  On the one hand, I have to own my partial failure over this last month because of choices I have made with the foods I have eaten.  On the other hand, it is discouraging that a week or a few days of indulgence can so derail my reproductive goals.  December had a lot of parties, events, and of course holiday celebrations. I also moved into a new home and had sketchy access to my kitchen for awhile.  I had many “cheat” meals and days, and staying faithful to the paleo the rest of the time just wasn’t good enough.  Within days of cheating on my lifestyle change, I had horrible pain in my breasts, my skin threw a fit, I had a resurgence of headaches, and my cycle got totally thrown off.  I was working with perfect 28 day cycles since the beginning of starting paleo, and then had a longer 33 day cycle with a particularly long luteal phase without a pregnancy.  With the temping, there was not strong evidence of ovulation this cycle, though there was a slight shift.  This period has been painful, heavy, and hormonally/emotionally ridiculous.  I miss the kind of periods that I had the three previous months.  They were easy, light, and barely noticeable (a HUGE contrast to my pre-paleo days).  I have been very faithful with the paleo for the last week, and my skin still has not recovered.  I learned that cheating “here or there” doesn’t work for me.  I’m not going to lie, I loved all of the foods that I got to eat, but it wasn’t necessarily worth it.  I am glad to be back on track.  I am enjoying putting some new ideas into play in the kitchen, and hope that I can stay inspired. Thank you for being my cheerleaders.  I appreciate all of the comments and people following the blog.  Hoping for some good news in the new year!

11/19/13 No great news today.  I am still not pregnant, and today would have been my due date.  It sucks, I’m being a baby about it, and the big girl panties will be back on tomorrow.  For those who don’t know, after almost five years of never having a positive pregnancy test, I FINALLY got pregnant after my third embryo transfer.  We saw a heartbeat at six weeks, then eight weeks we saw it again and that was when the doctor said that our chances of miscarriage was only 2%.  We decided to tell our 7yo son (and many others).  I regret that decision every day.  He still will randomly mention that the saddest day of his life was “the day our baby died”.  For years I just kept thinking, “If I could just GET PREGNANT” it would all work out.  I was wrong, and it was a new level  of infertility acceptance.  In my online support group, there are 70-80 members.  It’s an amazing group, and I couldn’t have handled a lot of things over the last year without them. At this point, I am one of only about 5 people who are still without a successful pregnancy.  It sucks being left behind by the fertile people, and it’s an entirely different level of sucking when you’re left behind by the infertile people.

Yep, clearly I am throwing a big ass pity party today.  Forgive me.

I am still loving the paleo.  I feel way better eating this way, I do not feel hungry or deprived, I have zero headaches (down from about one per week), my periods are very short and painless (HUGE difference as they were 7-8 days, heavy, and very painful in the past), my skin is no longer oily, I sleep like a log, I have had perfect 28 day cycles the last two months, and I have lost 34 lbs without trying in the least.  Even if this lifestyle doesn’t make my dream of another child come true, it is very clear to me that it is better for my body and mind.  I do not plan on abandoning it regardless of the fertility outcome.  We will be trying naturally for the next couple of months and may resume IUI’s in January.

Big girl panties will be back tomorrow.

10/10/13 So it seems that I have made a “Dent” in my infertility.  Unfortunately it is only a dent.  I would’ve much preferred to shatter it, crack it, fracture it…you get the point.  Yesterday I had a faint, but distinct pink line on my FRER.  For those of you who have been dealing with infertility, you know exactly what I’m talking about.  You also know that pink lines don’t come along if there isn’t something going on.  I’ve seen the grey evaporation lines, but never in five years, have I seen a second pink line on a natural cycle. NEVER.  This is both a good and a bad thing today.  It’s good because it means that after only two months, something that I am doing is making a difference.  It is bad because today the FRER was back to the usual stark white.  Nothing to see here folks!  Just like that, it’s done.

For a day, I got to live the dream of a person dealing with long-term infertility who finally had their miracle.  We’ve all heard of them.  Every fertile person seems to “know someone who got pregnant by accident” after going through infertility treatments.  I hate to say that it’s par for the course, but it is.  There are a lot of us who don’t get to treat conception casually.  We test before we miss periods, we stare at pregnancy tests in any kind of light in the hopes that we will see SOMETHING, we are ridiculously in-tune with our reproductive organs and we make note of every twinge that comes when we think implantation could occur .  And we do this for years.  It was great for just one day to think that I might have broken the mold.  Silly me.

Anyway, I will try to focus on the silver lining, which is the dent in my infertility.  I will keep doing what I am doing in the hopes that next time I shatter this bullshit and have my happy ending.  Onward!

My beautiful and evil little ray of hope.  I keep wondering if I'm nuts and there was never anything there to begin with, but every time I look at this, I know I'm not out of my tree.  That evil thin pink line.
My beautiful and evil little ray of hope. I keep wondering if I’m nuts and there was never anything there to begin with, but every time I look at this, I know I’m not out of my tree. That evil thin pink line. (yesterday)
The bastard that tells me that my dream was short-lived.
The bastard that tells me that my dream was short-lived. (today)

9/12/13 Well, our first natural paleo cycle ends with the customary failure.  I know that it working on the first try was a long shot, but one cannot help but hope for a miracle.  On to cycle number two .

I am really enjoying the Paleo lifestyle and have never enjoyed being in the kitchen so much.  I am going to set about purging my pantry and freezers today in the hopes of creating more space for my new gadgets and ingredients.  There are cans of things that I have found which expired years ago.  CANS that have expired!  It’s time to get rid of all of that processed JUNK!

I am also finding that I have to take days off from cooking because I have so many leftovers.  I have never looked forward to leftovers until this last month.  It also makes it so easy to take food to work so that I don’t find myself starving and resorting to either convenience foods or eating out.

I know that I post many recipes for baked goods. This is because they are one of the most difficult non-paleo things to replicate (aside from pasta).  If you are doing Paleo for PCOS, you need to keep the sugars to a minimum (even if they come from natural sources such as maple syrup or honey).  It is the insulin issues that help to alleviate the PCOS or inflame it, so we want to avoid messing with it.  Stevia does not affect insulin levels, so it is more acceptable in this situation.  Try to only eat a muffin or piece of banana bread per day.  Don’t start thinking “Hey it’s Paleo!” and go for one per meal (or worse).

Thanks for reading. If you think you have any recipes to share, I’d love to try them out.  You can link to them or  copy and paste them into the comments section.

We are on orders to try naturally for a few months with Letrozole and Paleo diet, supplements, and Metformin.  Fingers crossed…again…

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