11/19/13 No great news today. I am still not pregnant, and today would have been my due date. It sucks, I’m being a baby about it, and I get incredibly sad thinking about my little boy that I never got to hold. For those who don’t know, after almost five years of never having a positive pregnancy test, I FINALLY got pregnant after my third embryo transfer. We saw a heartbeat at six weeks, then eight weeks we saw it again and that was when the doctor said that our chances of miscarriage was only 2%. We decided to tell our 7yo son (and many others). I regret that decision every day. At nine weeks, there was no heartbeat. He still will randomly mention that the saddest day of his life was “the day our baby died”. For years I just kept thinking, “If I could just GET PREGNANT” it would all work out. I was wrong, and it was a new level of infertility acceptance. In my online support group, there are 70-80 members. It’s an amazing group, and I couldn’t have handled a lot of things over the last year without them. At this point, I am one of only about 5 people who are still without a successful pregnancy. It sucks being left behind by the fertile people, and it’s an entirely different level of sucking when you’re left behind by the infertile people.
Yep, clearly I am throwing a big ass pity party today. Forgive me.
I am still loving the paleo. I feel way better eating this way, I do not feel hungry or deprived, I have zero headaches (down from about one per week), my periods are very short and painless (HUGE difference as they were 7-8 days, heavy, and very painful in the past), my skin is no longer oily, I sleep like a log, I have had perfect 28 day cycles the last two months, and I have lost 34 lbs without trying in the least. Even if this lifestyle doesn’t make my dream of another child come true, it is very clear to me that it is better for my body and mind. I do not plan on abandoning it regardless of the fertility outcome. We will be trying naturally for the next couple of months and may resume IUI’s in January.
Big girl panties will be back tomorrow.