Since I started paleo, many people have asked whether or not I feel better or different than before starting it. I always thought that I felt fine before and that I did not notice much of a big difference with the exception of my sleep quality and cycle-related symptoms. I was delusional.
After another failed natural cycle, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself and wanted a “cheat” weekend. The only things I felt that I couldn’t adequately “paleoify” were deep dish pizza and my mom’s pasta carbonara. These are basically my two favorite things to eat. I decided that after three months and ZERO non paleo ingredients not to mention entire meals, I wanted a break…and boy am I regretting it. I have now been 36 hours on foods that I had decidedly cut out for the last three months and I am MISERABLE. I feel so exhausted that I can barely keep my eyes open and my head up. I woke up many times on Friday and Saturday nights, and I have a general “icky” feeling. During my three months of paleo, with the exception of the first week and a half of detoxing (when I had fatigue and headaches), I rarely felt tired, slept like a rock, not a single headache, and had zero digestive issues. This is really the opposite of what I am feeling now, and in hindsight was quite an improvement over my pre-paleo existence.
I thought that I could feed my disappointment with food, and it was just a bad idea. If nothing else, I feel worse for myself than I did on Friday when this non-brilliant idea of “cheating” came to me. We are moving to a new home and were faced with whether or not we should keep the “nursery” or have a guest room. We chose to give away all of our baby stuff and have a guest room for family when they visit. I feel like for the first time I am really resigning myself to the idea that we may not get to have another baby. It is difficult and sobering. We haven’t given up completely, but keeping a nursery for the last five years certainly hasn’t brought us luck. Maybe not having one will.
I’m obviously feeling sorry for myself, but I have learned a few things. First, I am very fortunate for what I have, and though I may not get what I had hoped for, I have a lot to which I can look forward and be thankful. We are moving into a much nicer home in a neighborhood that is amazing. It will be a huge improvement in our quality of life and a safer place to raise our son. I also learned that my body is really unhappy with foods that are outside of the paleo scope. I’m actually not sure how I survived feeling this way (which I know I did) before the doctor recommended paleo. Even if I do not get to fulfill the dream of having another baby, I will be a healthier and more energized mom to my 7yo miracle.
I dread the next week when I will probably be dealing with detoxing side effects again, but I look forward to being back to my “paleo” self. I am looking forward to having some energy and not feeling like absolute garbage. I cannot wait to be all moved into the new house and starting fresh. I will enthusiastically be back in the kitchen tomorrow and eating some really “good” food.