For 24 hours, I lived the dream…

10/10/13 So it seems that I have made a “Dent” in my infertility.  Unfortunately it is only a dent.  I would’ve much preferred to shatter it, crack it, fracture it…you get the point.  Yesterday I had a faint, but distinct pink line on my FRER.  For those of you who have been dealing with infertility, you know exactly what I’m talking about.  You also know that pink lines don’t come along if there isn’t something going on.  I’ve seen the grey evaporation lines, but never in five years, have I seen a second pink line on a natural cycle. NEVER.  This is both a good and a bad thing today.  It’s good because it means that after only two months, something that I am doing is making a difference.  It is bad because today the FRER was back to the usual stark white.  Nothing to see here folks!  Just like that, it’s done.

For a day, I got to live the dream of a person dealing with long-term infertility who finally had their miracle.  We’ve all heard of them.  Every fertile person seems to “know someone who got pregnant by accident” after going through infertility treatments.  I hate to say that it’s par for the course, but it is.  There are a lot of us who don’t get to treat conception casually.  We test before we miss periods, we stare at pregnancy tests in any kind of light in the hopes that we will see SOMETHING, we are ridiculously in-tune with our reproductive organs and we make note of every twinge that comes when we think implantation could occur .  And we do this for years.  It was great for just one day to think that I might have broken the mold.  Silly me.

Anyway, I will try to focus on the silver lining, which is the dent in my infertility.  I will keep doing what I am doing in the hopes that next time I shatter this bullshit and have my happy ending.  Onward!

My beautiful and evil little ray of hope.  I keep wondering if I'm nuts and there was never anything there to begin with, but every time I look at this, I know I'm not out of my tree.  That evil thin pink line.
My beautiful and evil little ray of hope. I keep wondering if I’m nuts and there was never anything there to begin with, but every time I look at this, I know I’m not out of my tree. That evil thin pink line. (yesterday)
The bastard that tells me that my dream was short-lived.
The bastard that tells me that my dream was short-lived. (today)
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4 thoughts on “For 24 hours, I lived the dream…

  1. I felt the same way after my back surgery a couple of months ago. I was CONVINCED that I would become pregnant naturally in between the infertility treatments. Evil pink line. I have never seen even a faint second line. I see shadows that TUG at my heart and pull me into that angry/depression/slump when it’s a BFN. Good luck to you in your journey! When will you be continuing with treatments?

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    1. I think we are going to hold off until spring for the frozen embies. Since this is a major step in the right direction, I hope that the paleo will beat back the inflammation more so that I don’t need to worry about my body rejecting any embryos. Thanks for reading my story and relating to my journey.

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      1. Fingers crossed for you! And I have been reading up on the Paleo diet. Since I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes 3 years ago, I have followed a very similar diet and my blood sugar numbers returned to normal. My husband and I like the Paleo diet or the idea of it, I just need to make sure I have the will to cook this food and buy all of this food. But ALL of your recipes look so delicious I can’t say that I am worried the food won’t taste good 🙂

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