So today marks my THIRD two-mile run in the last five days. Once I discovered that I could do it, I set a new goal to do it a little faster. I’m still slower than molasses, but still I run.
As always, the people watching was primo. You may want to stop reading if you’re a good wholesome person with a conscience. Still reading? Ok, but I gave fair warning and you don’t get to judge me if you continue.
So, as I’m trudging along, I see a woman running the stairs of the bleachers. She’s wearing yoga pants and just a sports bra. From across the track, I can see that her body is KILLER. From a distance it looks like she’s smuggling a half dozen eggs in her abdominal cavity. As I’m still slogging around the track with envy, I get closer…and then a little closer…and then I declare to myself, “Whoa! She’s a butterface!” Now for those of you who do not know what a butterface is, let me give a little bit of background. We have my husband to thank for enlightening me about this delightful, yet catty term. It was years ago when I was brave enough to hit up a pilates class. There was this girl in front of me who had a body that could stop traffic. I mean there were long legs and arms, and muscles where they should be, and she was flexible enough to be every man’s fantasy. So the class ends, and she turns around, and oh my it was an unfortunate sight. As I relayed this situation to my husband, his response was, “Oh, so she was a butterface?” He didn’t seem to notice my look of confusion, so I urged him to tell me what the hell that meant. His response was, “It’s when you see a girl with a great body and say ‘Man she’s got a great body, BUT HER FACE!'” And that’s where you get the butterface. Anyway…now that you know what I’m talking about, you will understand when I say that today at the track was the invasion of the “butterfaces”. They were everywhere! Hardbodies matched up with faces that looked like they fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. (I warned you good people not to read this, and if you’re judging instead of laughing, then GO AWAY!)
If you’re not laughing, then I’m sorry that you now judge me and feel disillusioned by my musings. Yes, I know that a part of me feels better that the hardbodies are butterfaces. I may not be a beauty queen, but it made me feel a bit better about my imperfect body.
Other random musings: The lady with the cloth napkin on her head kept running past me, then walking until I passed, and then running past me again. She makes me very angry.
Great songs that made me want to run a little faster, or took the pain away while I was doing it:
- Bruises by Train
- Dance Again by J. Lo and Pitbull (why the hell does that guy not have any solo projects. He’s always a “collaborator”)
- BlurredLines by Robin Thick etc (makes me run with a bit of swagger…not sure if that’s an improvement though)
- Something That We’re Not by Demi Lovato
- Still Into You by Paramore
I had to delete a few songs that were just slowing me down (Miley Cyrus…since I forgot to delete her after my initial discovery of her uselessness two runs ago).
Feel free to chime in with any great running song ideas. It seems to make all the difference in the world!