I did it!

runkeeper

Ok, before you get excited and think that I managed to get pregnant, sit back down and prepare yourself for something far less exciting.  I RAN.  And when I say I ran, I mean that I ran for only the second time in YEARS.

I started my day on the scale as usual (I know, I’m not supposed to weight myself daily, but I do…i just cannot help myself). For the FIRST time since starting paleo, I gained weight.  And it pissed me off.  And then I realized that i had to acknowledge a couple of things.  First of all, I have been avoiding working out like the plague.  There is always a reason not to; mangled toe, friends cancel, I’m sick…  I also have to acknowledge that for the first time ever, I enjoy baking…and eating what I bake.  Just because something is “paleo” doesn’t mean that you don’t need balance and moderation.  Honey, Maple Syrup, Coconut sugar…it’s all going to have sugars and mess with insulin and glucose.  For those of us with PCOS, that matters A LOT.  I got my gut check and will be refraining from enjoying the goodies that I’ve been making.

I decided that I needed to move my ass.  I needed to run.  I have little to NO history of running successfully.  I always felt that if I was running, it meant that something very scary was chasing me (or there was a trail of toilet paper streaming from my ass and it was lit on fire–Cleo that one’s for you).  So today I saw that scale, it pissed me off, and I decided to do something about it. My pre-Paleo self would have been pissed, then felt sorry for myself, then convinced myself that diet and exercise were hopeless and not working for me, and I would top my pity party off with some sort of cheesy carby deliciousness.  I refuse to be that person anymore.  I have found that I can love food, love cooking, and still drop the weight and achieve my goals.  In the past, I could only say one of those three things: I can love food.

So I take my son to school, and I go to the community center track.  ALONE!  If I wait for other people to be able to go with me, it’s just an excuse not to go at all.

Now for using all of the things that I have purchased with good intention and little motivation.  My iphone arm band, my cool ear buds that are apparently a feat of engineering genius and won’t come out of your ears, and my RunKeeper app for my phone.   I get all geared up, and off I go.

First, I realize how much I like my running mix (although I freely admit that it is full of “cheese”).  It makes me want to move my butt.  Second of all, I feel like my feet are glued to the track.  Have you ever seen a very elderly person running and you think to yourself, “they’re seriously running just as fast as if they were walking”?.  Well that was me.  My feet were moving, but was I really going anywhere?  The number of people that passed me told me that I was definitely one of those people.  There was this one particularly annoying lady who would pass me, then walk until I passed her, then would pass me again. It was as if she wanted to prove that she could go faster than me just by running once in awhile.  I wanted to knock the cloth napkin looking thing off of her head (I think she was attempting to shield herself from the blazing 8am sun).

My goal was to run 1 lap.  When I reached one lap, I asked myself if I could do more.  And I could.  Every time I reached my goal, I would ask myself that question, and the answer was often “yes”.  And I ran 8 laps.  That’s TWO MILES!  I never in a million years would have thought that I could accomplish this after the devastation that the last couple of years has wrought on my body.  Granted, my first lap was run at 11:12 minute mile pace, and by the time I finished I was looking at more of a 13 minute mile.  I really don’t give a crap.  I ran fuckin two miles!  I also managed to wog (that’s walk/jog for those who aren’t totally inept when it comes to physical fitness–thank you Hillary for teaching me that term) for another almost mile and a half.

I learned a few things today:

1. I don’t have to be the person I have convinced myself that I am (destined to be overweight and unable to be fit)

2. Getting on the scale every day can actually be a good thing.

3. If I ask myself “can I do more” the answer is often YES.

4. I can run alone and LOVE IT!

5. “People watching” at the community center track is PRIMO.  I saw so many really awkward runners (and walkers).  Then, I saw one that looked totally wonky running, but had a gorgeous body and I thought,  “Shit.  If I look like that and run like Phoebe from Friends, I’M IN!”

6. Sometimes you need to tell the voice in your head to shut the fuck up and quit bitching. As I was telling myself that I looked ridiculous, couldn’t breathe, and felt more jiggle and bounce than was possibly attractive, I saw something that stopped me. A woman was a bit in front of me with something shiny above her shoe.  On further inspection (since I had tons of time going at my slow pace in order to catch up)  I realized that she was running…with a prosthetic leg…and then I told myself to shut the fuck up.  If she can get out there and move her ass like that, so can I.

7. Music works SO well to get you running.  I thought that I was done, and then Katy Perry started to Roar, and I was off and running again.

8. I realized that Miley Cyrus is now officially useless and her song doesn’t do shit to make me want to run.  I will be deleting it from my playlist (don’t even ask me why I have it on there in the first place; I have no clue).

9. Now that I have lost so much weight, I don’t need to strap down my boobs like they’re a couple of bombs on a tractor ride (in case you don’t know…tractor rides are bumpy).  I ran in a tank top with built in bra and I did not have to be concerned about getting hit in the face with one of my boobs or having to run while holding them up.  It was actually pretty awesome.  The former me had to wear one tiny bra (so small it would get stuck under my armpits before I could pull it down) and then a medium size bra over it.  I had to double bag those suckers!  I’m free  of that and hope to stay that way.

10.  I will run again as soon as my body stops hurting, my hiccups cease, and the cough that I have generated from exertion goes away as does the sore throat that it induced.

11.  I’m proud of myself and have hope that I can be the person I want to be.

12. If after changing to a paleo lifestyle I find myself to still be infertile, I will feel a tiny bit less devastated because I’ll be confident, fit, and a little more hot than my previous chubby infertile PCOS self.

13. I CAN DO THIS.

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3 thoughts on “I did it!

  1. You have made some amazing insights into yourself – I think you are “in the zone” as runners often say! You go girl. Cleo would be proud! She did love the story of the flaming bun-hole!

    Like

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